Capitalism in theory: You have two cows. You sell one and use the profits to buy a bull. You mate the bull and cow to produce more cows and thus more milk. You use these healthy profits to make the world better and retire with a smile on your face.
Capitalism in practice: You have two cows. You milk them to death and use the profits to buy cheaper cows from abroad. You increase profits by finding even cheaper cows. You retire before anyone realizes that this really isn't sustainable.
Surrealism: You have two fish. But the harpsichord cannot be green.
Existentialism: You have two cows. The cows don't really mean anything, maaaan, but they do if you want them to mean something.
Absurdism: You have two cows. If you cannot come to terms with the fact that having two cows is absurd, you will never live a full life.
Nihilism: You have two cows. It doesn't matter if you have no cows or a billion. Give up on the cows already.
Libertarianism: You have two cows. You have a gun to stop the government taking your cows away in breach of your natural rights.
Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes the extra milk you didn't need and distributes it across the population to ensure that no one is left lacking in milk.
Marx:You have two cows. You exploit their labour power by taking their milk. Someday, they will take revenge on you by waging revolution.
Lenin: See "Animal Farm"
Joseph Schumpeter: You had two cows but killed both in a fit of creative destruction.
Ludwig von Mises: You have two cows that act. Therefore, we can deduce that cows must act to increase their marginal utility.
Lisp machines: You used to have two cows, but those fools didn't understand their value and they starved. You talk about what great cows they were constantly.

FTFY

OK, that's your version. Don't attribute it to me: this is in "Forum Games".

This is forum games, not politics or philosophy; if you're going to caricature some of them, you should caricature all of them, not just the ones you don't like.

Solipsism: You are two cows.

FTFY

Communism: There are two cows that you're in charge of, and they belong to everyone in the worker's collective, so don't get any ideas about them being 'yours'.

I'm afraid I don't have a name for this one:
You have two cows and if the prime minister government kills one and sells the other to Russia, he'll get a seat in the European Council.another government, it'll think it gained respect among a third