Chapter 4
(This one will be a saga!)
Once upon a time, the "saga" chapter ended.

(end of chapter)
Chapter 5
Once upon a time, a NP user named Cosman246 set out to make a chapter on the NerdParadisian Saga thread that will not end within 2 posts. It was a long and hard journey, as he had to compete with the Ultimate Foe.....Lack Of Interest! But in the end he succeeded, and it lasted 3 posts.
End of Chapter.

Chapter 6
Once upon a time
cosman 246 was walking down the street thinking about a new story idea when suddenly... Pi(e)3.14 came out from a dark alley, stole Cosman246's computer, discovered that Cosman was secretly an admin, hacked NP, and made the front page redrect to facebook.com, when suddenly awesomeguy was phoned by Cosman246 to activate plan QZ67, which was Retrieve Cosman's Computer. They quickly found the culprit and formulated an action plan, calling their friend Omni for advice. Unfortunately, awesomeguy did not know of a being named Omni, so... Cosman explained. He had come up with a foolproof bait and switch plan, which I shall not explain here. Cosman retrieved his computer and continued to write a fictious story about writing a fictious story. This caused a paradox, in turn...

His plan was this: He used awesomeguy's computer to invite Pi(e)3.14 to a (fictitious) Math Club, being free and with a first meeting on Friday. They would start by discussing the Riemann hypothesis, and they needed someone to guest lecture. Pi(e)3.14 could not resist. He came to the meeting, where he was told he was two hours early, and was served a cup of juice. The sedatives kicked in immediately. Blake then kept watch as Cosman and awesomeguy took back the computer, not without Cosman yelling "Keikaku doori!" Awesomeguy watched as Cosman used double negatives!
END OF CHAPTER
As pi(e) was temporarily disabled, somehow the 3rd chapter continued.
They ventured deeper.

Anyway they were glad to find that their fear of rocks falling were simply falsehoods. They read a small, dusty sign saying "Blake O' Hare Was Here!" Underneath it, it said "You know you should have made that left at Albuquerque. Here's a detour back to your destination" Confused, they followed.
(No, I didn't; check again.)
A hole in the cave was there where it hadn't been.
"Should we...?"
"Of course, Fred! Now get moving."
They walked through the tunnel.
Light pummeled their eyes. The team squinted.
No sign of a cave entrance.
They seemed to be home. No, it couldn't be. Something was wrong...
Meanwile, Pi(e) woke up and followed the tracks to the basement of a house on ---th Street... he then realized he had been shipped to some random Polynesian island. He shook his head, knowing it would be some time until he could attain retribution. It was unbearably hot on this island. This was not helped by the fact that Vivaldi's "L'estate" was being played by two speakers. An idea struck. He reached for his handy pocket GPS, only to realize he had been frisked, his GPS replaced with a toy tricorder. Resigned to his fate, he learned where he was, got a job, bought a house, got married, and spent the rest of his life in a stately manor on that remote island.

Chapter 7

One day, Pi(e) died. He came to the gates of heaven, and St. Peter said, "What are you thinking? God hasn't existed since we went out of business during the Intergalactical Depression!" So Pi(e) decided to go back to Earth as an impersonation of J.W. Goethe. Bob was there, too. Bob, however, died before he could warn everyone.
(Yes, I get the joke)
(WOW. I made the depression thing up 100%! And now Cosman tells me someone made that one up already ... Fools seldom differ.)

So Pi(e) went back to earth and started reciting poetry to Cosman. Cosman thought Pi(e) was going insane, so he gave him medicine. Suddenly, Pi(e) saw colorful fractals. His brain started working again, and he realized he was looking at his avatar in NP. He drifted off to sleep once again. He saw more, different fractals. "Incense and Peppermints" was playing in the background. After zooming in for a while, Pi(e) realized that he was just seeing the Mandelbrot Set. He saw a seahorse and thought that he must be underwater. So he floated on the waves for an hour until being caught by an illegal whaling ship off the Oregon coast. It happened to be another fractal. Pi(e) remained unconscious.

After a while, he went to Cosman246, and asked, "What was that?!"
Cosman answered "Hmm.....Lol Space Dren Medicine to cure depression. Why do you ask?"
Horrified, Pi(e) asked, "Did it mention any side effects?"
Cosman answered "Only mild hallucinogenic effects."
Pi(e) realized what had happened.
Er...I totally thought that this was the Randomness thread. Something happened. There. And then, when he realized that it was not a whaling ship at all and saw Cosman and AwesomeGuy catch him and tie him up, Pi(e) realized he was fully conscious. They sailed to ... Tahiti.

Cosman and awesomeguy demanded the money from Pi(e). Pi(e) said, "What money?" so Cosman took Pi(e) to the roof of a MSFT building in Redmond and said he would throw him off the roof if he didn't give him and awesomeguy the money. Then he woke up, still on the ship. It was not like the ship he remembered, however. He bonked his head and suddenly he saw his companions......tied up! What had happened? He looked around, and realized he was also tied up. Then he saw the name of the ship-the S.S./b/

And at the helm of the ship...
It was none other than...

PEDOBEAR

dun dun dunnnn....

*next chapter
They were in the brig - so they would be able to come up with an escape plan without the 4channers finding out, as there were no guards in the brig. eofpi and Cosman debated their two ideas of escape plans, when Deckmaster tried to come up with a compromise. Cosman wanted a sneak attack on Pedobear, while eofpi wanted a "Tora!Tora!Tora!" plan.
Excuse me, when did I stop controlling myself?

I'm wondering the same thing.

I think that eofpi and Deckmaster decided to use super ray guns to roast Cosman for his presumed control, however, it is impossible for me to read eofpi's mind. Are his intentions synonymous?

I was going to just knock over the fourth wall and run for the nearest exit, but I like your idea better. Let's do that.

Oo!! We can do both!

"Listen, at this point, this is metafiction" thought Cosman as the imaginary eofpi and Deckmaster were plotting to kill him in his dream. He woke up, in the same place he was when he started dreaming: the brig with all of the other NPers, who had overheard his dream.

This is a spacious brig. Nice amenities.

Wait...I think that that's a hologram of me over there. Yeah...seems it. Might be a hologram of eofpi too, might want to ask him.

We tested it, everyone here is real.

Sorry.
Nope, that's my Sufficiently Advanced Stand-In. The real eofpi is on sick leave. ....until Pedobear found him and put him in the brig along with his doppelganger.
This ended up being a ploy set up by Deckmaster who used two extras to play that scene while he talked with eofpi about how to end this charade once and for all.
....thought the asleep Cosman.

But lo! A creaking step is quivering the boards in which they lay, sweating and quivering. A dark figure appears, a wooden leg knocking on the ship. He wears an eyepatch over the empty cavity of his left eye. Who is this cloaked figure? 'Tis the great Du' Deman, arisen from his deathly sleep, awoken by the growing anxiety of his motley crew.

(ship quaking and wailing in the background, a storm rolling in the distance...)

Du'Deman then proceeded to be caught, chained, and placed into the brig like the rest.
After a while, the NPers came up with a plan. It was to.... yodel an egregious euphony to Blake O'Hare for help, similar to the song of time from the Legend of Zelda.

But Blake was resigned to his fate, solving Rubik's cubes all the while they were stuck.
Cosman then formulated an idea. They should first try and distract the guards long enough to allow another team of NPers-Team B, if you will- to topple Pedobear as well as setting free Team C to attack the 4channers. After that, they would leave them on a deserted island somewhere in the Pacific.

Team A was composed of eofpi, HK-47, kirin, dantes-torment, and several other assorted NPers
The chains were apparently held together by Unsolved Rubiks cubes, which were used as locks.

I find it humorous that you continue to attempt to exert control over peers with free will. I wonder if you're still dreaming...

the Dark Hunter uses his stealth skills to break into the brig and free all but Cosman who is fast asleep dreaming about plausible escape attempts and controlling the other NPers in spite of their free will. Until Cosman woke up.....looking around, he saw a void. They never found his body. The Dark Hunter, however, was very skilled in the arts of summoning and summoned Cosman back to the fold for the members of Nerd Paradise knew his capabilities would be needed in the trials to come.

Unbeknownst to them, they were all being watched over by.... AWESOMEGUY!!! He had claimed the position of the Narrator, and now controls everyone in the story!!!
But then, Pi(e) turned out to be the person narrating the story in which awesomeguy was the narrator! However, nothing was advancing in that story, so Cosman246 (who was narrating the story that Pi(e)was narrating) decided to tell Pi(e) to come up with something quick or everyone would lose interest.

But it turns out that...
IT WAS ALL A FIGMENT OF BLAKE'S IMAGINATION!!!!!!!!!!
Blake woke up, wrote down this story, and attributed it to a random NPer, which happened to be Cosman246.

END OF CHAPTER

Chapter TBD: A New Beginning (or Chapter 8)
No one seemed to be serious, so let's try being serious now.
Cosman...?
That was what awesomeguy whispered as he woke up from his nightmare.
Where Blake ruled the world and sent all Internet Explorer users to Python labor camps. Anyway, awesomeguy woke up and looked around him. Everyone was still in the brig! Until Blake's voice came down from the sky and said, "That story is over! Stop mentioning the brig!" So they started on a new Quest: to find Randall Muroe, and consult him for help on slaying the mighty /b/. Their first challenge was to evade the Chasm of Sar--

"No, really. Let's be serious here. You know Blake wouldn't want us to do this," warned Cosman.

And yet nobody listened. Cosman had to work hard to prevent some of the more lemming-like ones from falling in the Sar Chasm. Eventually, they were able to pass through the Chasm and into their next challenge: fighting the army of spambots, in which everyone from the prelude to this chapter (that is, those who are not manipulating their projected self) mysteriously disappeared.

*Okay, can we come up with something that has nothing to do with Blake, Nerd Paradise, spamming-nerd-paradise-wars, etc.. I would expect more creativity from nerds. And it would be nice if we weren't writing autobiographies.

Alright, Du'Deman. We will start this chapter over

Reread Chapter.

Once upon a time... an egregious sonnet echoed from a land far away. The great seahorse moaned the death of the king, Sebastian of the Sea. His funeral lasted 8 days, as he was a well liked Sebastokrator of All the Marine Life. Indeed, he had a language named after him. Sebastianese was the official scholar's language. The only word(besides names) ever borrowed was sebastokrator, from Greek.

Sebastian was very famous for having liberated the serfs.
His son, Sebastian II was not so. He tried reinstating serfdom, being a reactionary. Unfortunately, this Sebastian never read Marx's The Communist Manifesto. Thus, the attempt was a failed one, until...

What are you talking about?

The small revolutions and uprising meant to throw him out failed. He, however, was not able to fully recreate serfdom until his early death. Sebastian III was ineffective, yet moderate. He put too much power in the hands of his adviser.

Trouble was brewing in the small brush wars and eventually came to the forefront in the Pan-Oceanic War.

Sebastian III was not ready for the Revolution that was to come, which instituted...

Are you talking about the revolution now? Sorry, I am totally lost with these Russian-like politics. If so...

a new regime. One based off of the values and promises of the World Administration Organization, thus bringing countries together into a fold of strength. But with strength... comes corruption.

Indeed it does, as the leader of the revolution was ousted and replaced with a leader which seemed to be a clone of Sebastian II. He formed a personality cult.
But now, we leave the lofty throne of Sebastian and journey to Egypt. Here Lord Sutekh finishes the seal on an epistle, authorizing the raising of the greatest army the world will ever know. It was ruled by the frozen head of Hannibal

(Not that Hannibal. The Hannibal who tried to destroy Rome)
Who?

So... Hannibal's head was connected by special quantum thingies to everyone's brains so he could control them.

What exactly is Hannibal ruler of?

Rome, of course! Remember your history? Or at least in this epic saga.

Stop messing with Du'Deman. I know it's fun, but Hannibal was Rome's biggest enemy. He ruled Carthage.

Okay, so Lord Sutekh placed Hannibal in charge of the largest army ever to be gathered. I wouldn't have used the word ruled, I would have said commanded.

Hannibal had requested for a corps of war elephant-equipped warriors as well as the massive army.

He also wanted to take over his homeland, Carthage (now part of Tunisia) first. However, after his secret requesting agent did not return for 67 hours, Hannibal knew something was amiss. So he decided to communicate with Khan Noonien Singh, his right hand man, who had genetically engineered his army. Hannibal then realized that his supply-man was a mole! Together with Khan, he vowed to find the mole, by hook or by crook!

Meanwhile, on Mars... a life organism had mysteriously mutated from a strong burst of radiation coming from the Crab pulsar... and immediately grew to the size of the United States. It had seven and a half visual sensors (I call them visual sensors because they look like hands) and many, many villi.

The monster (whom we shall call Orgh) jumped down onto Earth and squished the mole. Hannibal and Khan searched fruitlessly for it for 5 whole years until...

Meanwhile, Lord Sutekh traveled on a secret journey to find the Yuka Oracle. He knew that if he could find the Oracle, the secrets to destroying his enemy could be revealed. Unfortunately for him, the Oracle was only a made up legend.
Lord Sutekh traveled in vain for 9 years, and was finally eaten by a tiger in India. The tiger then traveled to Egypt and claimed Sutekh's empire.

Orgh then stomped the tiger flat and took over its empire.
Soon, the empire was engaged in a massive civil war which finally ended in a nuclear explosion!

Cairo was devastated and the Provisional Free Government of Egypt was moved to Alexandria. The Government had created a plan to retake Egypt from the rebels. But the rebels were all to aware of this plan, so they decided to... siege the headquarters but a large mutant ninja turtle burst from the crust of the earth, foaming with magma, blocking their path. The turtle was sent by their immortal foes...the Animators.

The turtles quest was to bring peace to all living things. However due to the fact he looked so dangerous... blake woke up screaming...and found that it wasn't a dream, and a giant turtle was standing in front of him. His eye twitched. Then he sneezed with his eyes open. So the time space continuum was broken. Again.
And again. And again. ... yes, and once more.

Finally, a cheese burger appeared!

CHAPTER MMX
The cheeseburger was actually a crabby patty in disguise.

Here comes Sponge Bob.. Whereupon the ol' sponge tripped and fell into a boiling underwater volcano. That sponge was saved by a Person that just happened to be swimming by... but the gravitational pull of the planet suddenly increased, pulling both of them into the volcano. They were vaporized.

Everyone celebrated the death of the sponge.
The Person reincarnated as a Minecraft skelly, shooting arrows at everyone against his will...

"Oh no! Run in fear! It is Howard!" said the sponge, in a knowledgable voice. For the volcano actually didn't burn him up, as he was dipped by his mother in the river Stynx as a baby.

But wait: if the sponge stopped the volcano, then where is Person.
<realization>
Right behind me!
</realization>
2---------------
... and you know the rest.

I read through almost the whole thing, just left out the last post and 1/3 of the previous one.
Now I suggest a comic version of the NPS. I'll start:

New chapter!
Cosman246 looked upon this thread and fell into despair, seeing how stupid he used to be.

Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated incident (has nothing to do with NP)..

cosman went to two cans and string even though he is a nerd and probably not over 30.

Again, this has NOTHING TO DO WITH NP OR ITS USERS!

O RLY?

Yah, rly.

Now anyway, new chapter. No NP in it.

ok.

Once upon a time there was a dude that fell into a hole and it was filled with explosives and he blew up. The End.

*sigh*

New chapter, same rules apply, this needs to last at least one page. I mean, we've tried having NP in our stories, and it doesn't work.

I don't see the problem here.

...Carmen's teapot began to yell at her with its high pitched whistle, saying that it was time to take it off the stove. Carmen looked out the window while her jasmine tea steeped, watching the rain pour and hoping for thunder. The cars rolled by in the street outside - rush hour traffic was oblivious to the weather.

As she watched, she saw the tell-tale flash of lightening brighten the sky. The thunder rolled through the house. A grin lit up her face.

Thunder.

Suddenly, a flying saucer descended right onto her garden.
A bay door opened and out stepped a curious creature stepped out. It was greenish, and had antenna, seemingly out of aluminum foil. It strutted around and made beep beep noises.
It was a Teaser, and Carmen knew it. She didn't notice another person, from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelguse, step out another door and run off into the distance.
She considered hitching a ride from the Teaser...

...but, on the other hand, feared what the Copyright Daemons might do to her dare she try to hitch a ride with the Teaser. In the end, she...

...ate a stick of celery.

Then Newton's Second Law...

decided to go on vacation for a couple of weeks.

Steve Jobs...

is not appearing in this feature, but...

...in place of him, for entertainment we have Celine Dion and Barabra Streisand!
(note: please fix barabra's surname.)

Meanwhile, without Newton's second law...

reality went on the blink again, causing....

Ayn Rand to write her "novels" with high probability of success, as in the regular world they'd be too silly to be taken seriously...